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Nature’s first priority made us seek survival with any strategy possible, to exist physically in the world. Yet to even be here in the first place, someone had to reproduce us.
The two basic drives of life are:
survival and reproduction (Mating).
Mixing them together and seeing them as one thing -misses subtle distinctions.
Seeing their connection is deeply empowering,
Not only for reproduction or survival, but in the journey of your transformation.
Discovering what makes you tick — what draws your attraction and ignites your sexuality — is profoundly refreshing.
Before this Connect research, and Thrive Culture Archi-tex, No one talk about MATING Strategies like this. SO get ready for a joy ride.
About Mating Strategies
And the Connection to Survival Strategies.
*Note: You are encouraged to read the whole page to gain a wider base of mindsets and capture it more fully.
Many mix the two.
That makes sense, because every mating strategy can also be seen as a survival strategy.
A female choosing the “Alpha” male is a classic example — she secures strong genes and a partner who is more likely to protect the female and the offspring.
In nature, the Alpha may defend the cubs from invading males, and the whole pack, so the mating choice is also a survival choice. But as we will see in this research- Its these two are not
always parallel, and sometimes have
conflicting agendas.
For example in some species choosing the Alpha male also can mean he have other options. He than will split his resources between different females, in these cases choosing the Beta male which will provide more to the offspring will become the preferred Mating strategy.
This simple logic becomes limiting when you look at more complex patterns.
For example, someone might use a mating strategy that exchanges sexual energy for attention or resources. The Meme of Marilyn Monroe comes to mind.
People call that a “survival strategy” because imagining the attention and resources she might receive from being attractive and vulnerable — and the two (Survival and Mating strategies) can look identical from the outside.
But is “looking vulnerable and attractive” really a survival strategy?
For others, “looking strong and dangerous” is a good survival strategy. Like the Amazonians women. And how is that work with the Mating strategy ?
As you can see asking these questions opens up a field of research.
So making a clear distinction between the two can create more clarity, and more options to see the complex map these two strategy dimensions form.
for exmample:
Take the "loner" survival strategy.
It may look neither sexual nor social.
Among wolves, competing for the Alpha, Beta, or Gamma position is usually what secures reproduction.
Yet some wolves use a completely different reproductive pattern —
getting out there into the wild, all alone, for months in the cold.
Howling and calling in lone-wolf females, seducing them outside the pack,
and starting a new pack with them.
You can see this clearly in The Rise of Black Wolf (2010) — especially at minute 29.
This wolf uses the survival strategy of the "Lone wolf", and turns it into his mating strategy.
That strategy as other Mating strategy, involves the habits, routines, intelligence and even personal story of the Lone wolf. It will effect its day to day, its role in society, its skills, its possibilities in life, and the legacy he will leave.
More to say about the wisdom we get from looking at our own Mating strategy.
Is it that simple ?
Using mammals here only to stress the point.
These species often show extreme versions of unique mating strategies, and while humans operate in more complex ways, they reveal the different dimensions these strategies can take. Making extreme examples help to illustrate and highlight a certain strategy, BUT as Guideline for reading this page- take them as they are; illustrations of distinctions. not an accurate description of your personal situation, which is unique and cannot described accuratly by anyone but you- the one experiencing it uniquely.
The apes in this documentary "Rise Of The Warrior Apes"
show another example: one male doesn’t aspire to be the “Alpha” at all.
Yet through niceness and kindness, researchers discovered he still managed to spread his genes widely through the pack, and many of the future members of the tribe are his. Being a nice, adorable, lovable, not a problem maker, not a contender, is a kind of Mating Strategy.
Beyond that recent researchers of early humanoid behavior suggest that its the Coalitions of Beta males, against violent Alpha males, which is what made the human specie unique and raise to the top of specie survival. more on that.
Mating strategies are the patterns, behaviors, and choices through which living beings attract, select, and keep mates in order to reproduce — ensuring the continuation of their genes.
These strategies can include both conscious and unconscious behaviors that aim to maximize reproductive success. They differ across species, individuals, and even situations, and can be influenced by environment, hormones, social structure, and different bodies state.
Some key aspects:
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Short-term vs. long-term strategies — some focus on many partners (spreading genes widely), while others prioritize bonding and raising offspring together.
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Mate choice and signaling — displays of strength, beauty, intelligence, or nurturing ability to attract a mate.
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Resource and protection exchange — offering stability, safety, or status in return for affection, partnership, or sexual access.
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Competition and cooperation — rivaling others for mates or forming alliances that improve survival and reproductive chances.
In humans, mating strategies are far more complex, shaped not only by biology but also by culture, emotion, identity, and social context. They can look like dating preferences, flirtation styles, attraction patterns, or even deeper life choices — like whom we trust, how we bond, and why we stay.
If you want to know officially what are Mating Strategies,
Here is the official definition :
20 Different mating Strategies :
And remember some of them are what brought your parents and accentors to reproduce so you can live, so they are all in honorable in their own way.
ALSO MIND THAT : from our research every survival strategy is often connected to the Child Ego States, and the Emotions, Old decisions, and Energetic verities that are stuck underneath.
This is not being Connected to each strategy here because it will simply make this page endless.
So we focuses on the surface strategy because that is valuable to see. If your research call you to go deep on one Mating strategy (maybe even one that is not here) and what is behind it. Go ahead. And please share with us later so we can share your research.
"WHY 20 ? " Maybe your first instinct will be to ask if there are only twenty — or more.
These are not the truth; they are simply a rough observations, to create distinctions and noticing patterns.
If you are aware of a strategy that you were unconscious to, you can make it conscious in a way that can serve and empower you in your life.
Please make your own research on this, and don't take things at face value.
The Nice man
Like in the movie Rise of the Warrior Apes,
there’s that one ape who stands out — not as the strongest or most dominant, but as the nicest. Almost the most human. He builds connections with many others, and even though he’s not at the top of the hierarchy, he ends up fathering many children in the tribe, quietly spreading his genes.
Smart, composed, and socially attuned, he knows how to play his cards. By being the nice ape, he gets the job done — slowly, steadily, and effectively.
While the nice ape, might have other motivations and strategies to be nice, it defiantly takes care of his mating needs as well.
The nice man Shadow guide usually also aligns to the construct of the Modern Culture of that time, Just like chandler, fits in and behaves. which sucks in terms of the village evolution.
The cheap thrill
You let them have a thrill with you, and you sell yourself short.
Not asking a lot for changing sexual energy with you, keeping the prices down, so the clients are happy and returning.
You don't believe you have high value to offer, you don't know how to behave that way, its too complicated and required too much effort. You don't know the value of not selling yourself cheap and even get high on your own supply.
"Lets just let them have their way and be done with it. At least they enjoyed, and you get a momentarily pleasure in return"
Some do it to please others from a deep emotions behind other people feeling somthing "nagative"
Some do it from genuinely not considering sex as an important thing, and become immune to the energetic effect of the exchange.
The Doormat
They will just let people touch them oblivious, have sex because someone wants that and who are they to say no ?
The doormat, is passing around to whoever needs to take some sexual energy of their feet.
They remind you of the cheap trill strategy but in this one, it includes them believing they are worth nothing. They deserve to get hurt by that sexual exchange.
They are needing to feel worthless by the exchange of sexual energy.
This of course as other strategies has big emotions underneath requiring emotional Healing Processes.
The prudent / nun
The opposite strategy stopped working, or was too scary or forbidden- Being okay with your sexuality.
So you took on yourself a vow of chastity.
Frowning upon someone wearing “too short” jeans, or bathing topless, is your favorite thing. Prosecuting - this women is NAKED!! Short funny clip
You never have sex, or aspiring for that, you swear you never think about it, it’s for vulgar people. Sex is bad, sleazy, unholy.
The only time it’s okay is if it serves some other purpose, usually coming from an authority figure, religion commend, or an arranged marriage.
{As a side note some women go through the worst sexual abuse in extreme religious arranged marriages. A film about that }
"If I get to chastise everyone else for being slutty, then I eliminate some competition"
Maybe a better way is to create a religious institution, or just join a spiritual group in devotion
Deep inside you want the thing that disgusts you the most, and that’s freedom from the cage of your mating strategy
The Player/ fuckboy/
You get all the girls? Not for sure. but
You are there to offer yourself though.
You are a approachable cool surfer, or a dark club owner, ready for the situation to play out your way.
They love you when they let themselves be seduced by you
That’s your whole purpose right up front.
You’re not hiding your mating strategy, or hiding it less than all the other ones who play small.
Why not play? Life is a game
The only gain is that it needs to stay superficial.
If the connection gets too long or deep, you miss your turn to play.
You get rusty in "the game" and lose your flow. That triggers old emotions.
You ask yourself if you lost your purpose, and feel empty again.
Mating strategizing as a fuckboy is succeeding in the world of modern culture as a loop hole- No one is going to stop you from doing being a bit irresponsible.
Some are natural and dont think about themselves as Fuckboys. Some are training themselves in succeeding in that game, and adopt fuckboy behaviors. Some take it from the movie starts and pop artists, some hire professional help.
in the Modern Culture survival dating game. Its not easy, even if your good looking. Being a fuckboy its almost a career on its own.
For more watch the movie "Spread" with Ashton Kutcher.
The Guru
Your mating strategy is disguised as enlightenment
You rise above everyone — not by climbing, but by floating
From that height, you never have to compete.
People come to you
You speak in calm tones, you quote wisdom, you radiate serenity. You sing beautifully in the song circle songs in remote language, and walk beside the prettiest dressed guru girl.
You let others believe you see something they don’t, with your deep eye gaze that is deeped in sexual energy like an apple in hony.
You hold a secret "truth"-
being close to you means becoming better themselves
You don’t chase
Your social status will do the work for you and bring the one that chases that spot in the spiritual hierarchy of the new age island. Together you look as the perfect couple and keep posting about it.
Yet they come, like flies to the lotus flower. Your good at making it seem spiritual and bonified it. Nobody in the New Age culture will question you. Unless your in a community where some of your shadow guide will slip out.
Or until you meet A Next-Culture person. Until than your holding the higher spirtual moral ground. and while not being much to the modern culture ladies, just wait until you go to to a healing festival or a song circle, and calmly and peacefully "clean out".
The Liberian/ wizard
Being a nerdy guy or gal, outside the courtyard of the cool kids, has its safety. Has its Hierarchy among the "uncool" kids.
In your comfort controlled own world of laboratory test tubes and potions, your eyes meet-
A nerdy mate, just like you
All alone in the quietness of the bookshelves, formulas and homework. You have all the time in the world to deepen your connection, spread the web of nerdiness, and weave a world together outside the reach of the cool kids.
To dive into fantasy worlds
To write your own shared story
Until finally you do end up in bed. As nerdy as it gets, you too have sexual energy, big surprise. You too go at it like primates, playing the masculine and feminine at will. You too have desires and fantasies you want to fullfil and as much as you dress them in elf costumes, they still very human.
Golden girl/ Perfect guy
Their just good at it.
They look good, smell good,
And have a golden vibe.
They do it right, not too much, not too little, always have a partner when needed, and know to play around when needed. they just seem to have no stuck emotions around any issue of sex or relation. They were bread right. Solid in their pursuit of a mate. Golden and glorious they often dating the best their position has to offer.
Of course Sometimes staying golden require some gold. more of the golden energy, getting it has it sacrifice. so don't judge them !
They don't stay around people who judge. Or than are not as golden as them.
The Junkie
They will crush in the corner, follow the drug dealer to the bathroom, or just look terribly using.
Its a style, a frequency, an invitation for a bargain.
Sex for drugs, or just drugs for fun and than sex, as long as they get their dose their good.
They will normalize using. They will hint unconscious sexual energy offers when powders get at hand. They will create a social hierarchy around glorifying the holders and the enablers.
Being Quite
Being Quite, letting the world destroy itself if needed, but eventually thing will come his way.
Quite water sip deep, they say,
When everyone else fighting for attention being loud the quite guy sits back, and let the deepness of his quietness speak.
The best thing that it looks like he wasn't even trying, but deep inside his head, while standing on the corner he strategyzes, the wheels in the head are always spinning, for mating, or just peace from it.
The harasser
He will keep harassing because as sad as it is, some will offer them as victims.
If you choose not to be a victim:
Get away. not a moment later. Now.
Get a friend to threatened him, get the police, do anything needed so the price of him harassing you will be too high from him to pay.
Hitting his reputation, job, or else, anything so he gets you have a boundaries and crossing it have consequences. Your NOT playing.
The Lone wolf
Covered in the earlier segment,
a LONE Wolf will go around the pack, howl and flesh is tail in the dark,
Some will get attracted and come join his mystery.
He his alone but not from weakness but strength and that is the benefit to the mating strategy. He can stay strong no matter what.
The problem is sometimes he might prefer it alone.
Sometimes you be enough to lock him to start a new pack with you.
Being part of the pack is so boring anyways, all these alphas with their rigidness and lack of sensitivity.
Going with the lone wolf Mating Strategy has its thrills ! and its loneliness.
Gold digger
Well.. the name say all.
But she or he (again watch the movie "Spread" for the male version of this) will likely exchange sex for currency/ position/ status/ power.
While some people made this a career or show the extreme example.
It show beautifully how Mating strategies work. Most of us have them in one way or another.
The story of Aladdin and Jasmin excite us, because its rare that a princess will mate outside her statues.
In little ways many man and women are found giving some of their strategy to economical consideration around mating.
This has to do with different emotional connections in early childhood. But are defiantly a core aspect of the female survival strategy due to civilization perversions in the last 5,000 years.
The drug diller, promoter/club enabler
Going around with coke, ketamine, or anything that people around will give it center to. From addiction, social pressure, or wanting to be cool, he manipulates every angle to get you hooked on his little bag — and put you in his bag.
He will sneakily drop lines about the upcoming friends’ evening together, seemingly escalating the event before it even started.
He will ask you, “What do you plan to do?” hooking your mind already on the completion of the addiction, irresponsible drama.
He will let you take it, and have more for you. Later, you pay the price somehow. One thing is for sure — he will not be there to pay the bill.
The hot Spiritual yoga goddess Sex/tantra teacher
Mixing "spirituality" with sex creates a powerful elixir something tastier for her to drink than her clients.
There is no seemingly disadvantage with show casing her beauty in Instagram, half naked, offering her classes, and sharing mantras of empowering women at the same time.
The Marlin Monroe of Modern Culture is a free goddess with tattoos septum, and a colorful Indian dress.
Who can debate ? who can find the cracks and break down/ point out the purpose of each tattoo\ring\or movement in IG hook dance video ? No one is fast enough, no one is there anyways, except her fans.
Sex sells and she was blessed with a body of a goddess so why not show that and show those old culture patriarchs that are body is a pure thing.
Why not charge man for a private sexual training class on the way. Her time is divine.
She will always have to look good and follow the lastest new age fashion but other than that the role is low cost, and feels better than selling your soul to a corporate job.
She probably doesn't even practice sex so much as her energy is sacred. Only as a show a promise on IG, a workshop flyer or ecstatic dance ballroom.
The Vampire
WARNING !
They are there to suck your energy. Sexually or other kind they work in subtle ways to come close and than bite.
Because you lack energy around them its harder to get away.
Sun light is the best way to get rid of them. ask a responsible space holder for coaching, if they think you are messing with a Vampire.
Also dont make yourself availble for these creatures and they wont come.
Use more Anger and strong boundaries as you go around the world. So even if your liquid or just guard off, you'll notice this vampires:
They look sweet, but something is dark in their eyes, in their aura,
They are up to no good, cannot talk about a conscious purpose.
Sometimes drawning in their own misery.
Your soul will feel heavy around them. They will NOT be seen happy around animals, children or nature. They are pale to sunlight.
They have secret agendas, and reignite with conspiracy theories, dark magic, black clothes, metal, dark places, hidden schemes to make money like stalk markets.
They will speak gently and persuasively about reason to hate or undermine humans.
They will stay alone or travel in small packs. If you feel drain every time, don't think its you.
Run away. Get responsible adult friends advice.
Actually when your in your center and Conscious purpose your radiancy is something that they can not stand, and are powerless next to. So they will not come near you on your radiant path. Remember your Radiant Being is stronger than any shadow creation.
The burned man/women
Free sex and love are beautiful concepts, where the shadow can play under.
In the light in the playa, everything just look playful and naughty, maybe childisish inocent.
When dark comes, its a chaotic mess, in that chaos anything is fair play. Many are adult enough and respect rules and boundaries, that is what is confusing.
If there is no conscious purpose, there is an Ucnoncious purpose.
Even if subtle in the fine prints of "Radical Reliance" Sexual energy is at exchange and its not in the serves of consciousness.
Playing naive is not bad, or not wrong, its just limited.
Limited to the possibility of going beyond.
Messes can end in feeding the Shadow Guide and putting them to sleep for a while, so you can stay numb another day at work, but they can also create bigger messes.
The bigger messes are the wake up call to actually look at things and be more responsible.
Responsibility can be sexy too.
Manipulator
Using Sexual energy to play other people to their will.
They don't always care so much about sex, in a way that it doesn't take much from them to spend it.
maybe got disconnected from it, at some point, or feeling about it.
Now it is a tool to move something.
Not always used for shadow purpose, but often than not to unconscious purposes.
The good girl
She is sweet and innocent, until you meet her in the bedroom. Commitment to her goodness last until the commitment started between the sheets.
Now that you signed the contract you are now ball in her court and hands.
If you do anything wrong from here, and you will, you already are, you are the bed one.
Cause she is the good girl and justice is with her. So you must be bad. Society derived from Disney movies agrees the sleeping beauty is always right.
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The Wrecking Ball
Came to destroy after her the people in her old path.
Out of irresponsibility, out of revenge, or to just not leave evidence behind.
She saw she conquered she crashed. Your heart is just in the way for her to swing though.
Revenge is long due cause you are the same as all the men that hurt her.
She had a delicate heart, but now as sweet as she taste you can already hear the "swhifttt" coming.
The Angel
Somehow her energy cured you.
Something in the energetic sexual exchange was healing and rejuvenating.
It is not all bad.
Core relevant distinctions:
1
Mating strategies are different for males and females but today the intrinsic relation between the feminine and masculine in each individual are so complex that you might as well consider these strategies for both.
In these terms, its might be written here for female or male to get clarity, but officially can be regarded as either.
2
These mating strategies are not bad, wrong or evil (except the shadow ones of them)
It just that evolution created them for humans, for now.
Nothing can stop you from noticing them, experiment, expand your consciousness and go beyond them.
No one can do it for you.
3
For men a lot of the mating strategies, are just sticking to their survival strategies, this is way its very similar and confusing at the same time.
For women a lot of the mating strategies been complexed by their wired positions in the Patriarchy and than seem mutated sometimes for men rudimentary logic. Once you research more of Feminine Mating Strategy evolution and where it comes from, it will make them much more clear.
4
Notice that in these Mating strategies — for some of us, they are core, and we can find ourselves in one or two of them.
For others, we can take one Mating strategy and see it as how it is part of one Survival Machine mechanism together with some others. Some of these strategies compliment each other. And for some of us we play a different one each different day.
5
This is written here for you — for your research, not to take as “truths,” and especially not to beat yourself up with!
Also its not an invitation to Prosecute this research. This research is incomplete, and would never be complete, It will keep evolving with your help and only help for those who are interested to research for themselves. and not to take it as conclusions, facts or truths. so please just dont.
6
Yes some of these Mating strategies cross into the realms of the Shadow Guide, as described in a few of them above. They are closely connected to Shadow Guide purpose and behaviors.
This shows you the connection and how they are so related, as the Shadow Guide behaviors are the protection mechanism that keep the survival strategy and mating strategies together.
7.
What to do once you discover a Mating Strategy as part of your Survival Machine ?
NOT taking the opposite one.
Often people discover their Mating strategies and their Shadow Guide uses that to beat themselves up with it. Which is what we call Double Low Drama.
Later, out of self-guilt, they pick the opposite one as the safest solution.
Opposite survival strategies don’t work to grow, or improve life situation.
They just take you on a loop that can take a few years before you find yourself at the same spot again.
For example: if you played the "Cheap Thrill" all your life, and now taking the "prudent", in a few months you feel the same stuck emotions you felt before, coming from a different trigger.
As an experiment you can play around with different strategies to expand your machine.
But don't get stuck on the opposite one if you want to grow.
8.
A big part of general Mating strategies is the relationship to a few key factors in our survival:
– Relation to authority figures
– Relation to control and chaos (for example, some survive by embracing control, some by embracing chaos)
– Relation to work, chores, school, etc.
– And the big one — relation to the first experiences of relating to the other sex, and to sex itself.
Was that a "success experience? "
- Was there a big stuck emotion from a big event around sex ? abuse ?etc ?
These are just some of the key factors and are all gates to an Emotional Healing Process.
Other General Strategies:
Some of these are just overall strategies that motivates men and women:
Chasing Fantasy worlds
Much of our mating strategy is affected by the programming we got from watching Disney. Watching our parents. Watching the popular kids in high school, or being the popular kids in high school and dreaming of recreating it.
Even in group settings, we discovered that we sometimes just play our family, trying for everyone to fit into the constellation and getting triggered when they don't.
But our fantasy worlds that are in our Survival Machine, in our Child ego state, and even our Parents Ego states (for example how our relationships "should" look like), are controlling us every day as we seek to mate. This is only until, of course, we discover our Conscious Anger and start working on bursting our fantasy worlds, while taking Emotional Healing Processes to cure them.
After this we are completely free to create new kinds of relationships and fly free of those nasty, dense fantasy worlds.
The exchange of Sexual energy
After reading all of this, you must ask about Sexual energy and its roll in Mating Strategies.
After hearing many about sexual energy from mainstream, new-age and Buddhist sub-cultures-
Ones concept of sexual energy can be anything, and a little wild and creative.
1. For example Transformation- Path Yogis as Sadhguru describe Sexual energy as Life energy.
Its just the same energy that run the world, the same like any energy, what drive the cycle of life.
2. Some like to describe sexual energy as the attention and information that is exchanged when sexual intention are at place.
For example when you walk Infront of someone in the street your attracted to, and look them deep in the eyes, maybe checking their ass they call that a sexual energy exchange.
Or the same as someone out of their sheer feeling can suggest that they feel sexual energy in the space from you. Which depends purely on their feeling of it.
To put this two in perspective, In Connect the current research say that you feel Energy in your energetic body. Energetically you can make yourself available for any kind of energy. protect from or a victim to any. With this you don't need to to analyze too much of energy of other people, if you don't like their energy you can just move on.
Is it an intellectual sexual intention ? a physical attraction, or sexual energy ? you can scan each one with each one of your bodies and decide.
Putting an exact formula to energy can be tricky because as their are different frequencies and wave lengths, so there are type of energies.
If you do the experiment and check you discover many of these possibilities above can get mixed in someone mind according to their own Mating strategy, and not always connected with the story of the other person.
3. In Tantra which in its original tradition was a path of transformation, along Yoga, which was more focused on the occult (almost what you would call practice of Magic), Traditional Tantra (From thousands of years ago) didn't have the Survival Machine of our culture around sex.
So their research for conscious evolution (or else other conscious and unconscious purposes depends on the stream) Just turns else where when someone like us think about how to become more aware of their Mating Strategies. Like Yoga a lot of things from Tantra tradition will be beneficial in expending your Machine about it anyways.
Todays Modern Tantra practices, just don't mean anything specific, Tantra teachers can teach about feelings, about breathing, about thoughts, and usually come up with a streamline of the current New Age Thought-ware, which can be expending or limiting depends where you are in your journey, and if your looking at it as a business or a Conscious Transformation path.
Disclaimer : Notice we didn't told you what to do and "how to resolve" These Mating Strategies.
This is because, despite the strategy some of us have to solve, fix, ignore, etc... things--
feeling the pain of having a Mating strategy is the most useful thing for evolution. Pain can be Conscious feelings, Unconscious feelings or Emotions.
The part of you that wants to go beyond the boundaries of limitation will, by itself, show you the path on what to do, and how to feel. You can always ask us at Connect to coach you on connecting to your feelings better. But notice we are not telling you what to do ! And definitely NOT proclaiming to be expert or therapist about anything. So again- NOT OFFICIAL anything here.
If you find some cool experiments along the way, send them to us and we’ll put them here.
Love your team.