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4 feelings for connection
It’s true that we experience a wide variety of feelings. We’ve called them by different names and placed them in different boxes according to the cultures we grew up in.
In modern culture, one common basis for how we think about feelings is that they are not useful.
They do not serve us, and at best, we’re told to accept them as a negligible disadvantage.
This direction of thinking about feelings hasn’t produced many useful distinctions about them.
Even when someone goes to a professional therapist, some of the useful “maps” — thoughts, patterns, ways of thinking about feelings — are often summed up as
“regulate them,” “listen to them.” But some of the distinctions you’ll find here will take you somewhere else. Fair warning.
The first distinction that a map, which considers feelings not to be useless, makes is that:
There are 4 core primary feelings. Just like RGB generally refers to 3 primary colors that make up all the others and cannot be created by mixing any other colors,
so are the 4 core feelings:
Anger, Sadness, Fear, Joy.
They are perfect for us to use to connect with each other, once you start using them sharing them, you will find yourself as a "master of connection"
What are the 4 feelings ?
Slide the pictures after you guess.
Before we dive on each on of the feelings and explore its dimentions
You may consider the “big mix-up.”
Feelings can be experienced consciously as an adult, without reactivity to anything—clearly, with the energy and information they bring.
For example, you are angry that someone threw trash on the floor of your favorite café.
You can use the information of the anger: I care about this place. I care that it remains clean. I have a boundary about people throwing trash here.
You can then use that information—or not. Maybe you go ahead and set a boundary, maybe you don’t, according to your adult will.
Emotions are stuck feelings from the past. You experienced a feeling in your early childhood—perhaps later—but you couldn’t really express it.
It wasn’t allowed, you didn’t know how, and probably no one held space for you consciously to feel it. Then the feeling got stuck.
This is what we call an emotion.
For example, if someone throws trash on the floor of your favorite café and you stay angry the whole day or week—this person stuck in your mind—that was probably an emotion: a trigger to a feeling that got stuck in the past.
Maybe your father used to trash the house, and you couldn’t express the anger about it. But probably the emotion was around something much less direct.
More on that in the Emotional Healing Process.
Then some emotions got mixed. This is what we call mixed emotions.
For example, a mixed emotion of anger and sadness creates depression.
Depression is a mixed emotion. We can unmix emotions in an EHP.
This is why we have so many names for so many emotions—depression, anxiety, overwhelm, and so on.
Feelings are not experienced the same way as emotions.
Conscious feelings feel totally different from emotions—or from unconscious feelings.
More on that in our Shadow Guide Connection trainings.
Filtered feeling.
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sometimes what we call a “feeling” is actually a filtered feeling.
A filtered feeling happens when one of the original 4 feelings isn’t allowed—by our Box, our culture, or our fear of what might happen if we feel it—and so it comes out disguised as something else.
For example, confusion is often filtered Anger.
When you don’t allow yourself to feel angry—maybe because it isn’t acceptable, or because Fear blocks it—it leaks out as confusion or irritation.
You might say, “I don’t understand,” when the actual energy behind it is, “This doesn’t make sense to me!”
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Sometimes people filter a feeling for years, staying “annoyed” instead of angry, or “concerned” instead of scared.
This keeps them numb, missing the information that conscious feelings carry—what they care about, what matters, and what action is needed.
Filtered feelings (or emotions from the past) come in many forms—confusion, frustration, boredom, contentment, relief, anxiety, awkwardness, surprise.
They’re all versions of blocked energy trying to find a way out.
By starting to notice these filters, you can reconnect to the original feeling underneath, and use its clarity and energy consciously.
ANGER
In Connect Archi-tex, Anger is an endless source of natural, neutral energy.
It is not destructive by nature, not negative, and not something to get rid of. Anger belongs to the emotional body as a form of intelligence, meant to serve clarity, direction, protection, and movement in life.
Modern culture taught us to treat feelings as bad, useless, or dangerous. Growing up, many of us developed an immature or incomplete relationship with our Anger. From childhood, Anger was often forbidden, misunderstood, or punished, and was labeled as destructive, unuseful, and irresponsible — even though every child is born with the ability to feel Anger consciously. As a result, Anger became suppressed, bottled up, ignored, or leaked out in uncontrollable explosions. Many people learned to believe they are “not angry people,” while Anger remained active underground.
This disconnection comes with a cost. We want to heal, but cannot — because Conscious Anger is the key to feeling the rest of our emotions consciously. When Anger is locked away, access to the emotional body is blocked. So we turn to practices that work mainly on the energetic or physical-energetic bodies — yoga, tantra, embodiment, massage, acupuncture, and similar approaches. These can be supportive, yet they skip direct contact with the emotional body itself, where Anger functions as a primary navigation force.
In Connect Archi-tex, Anger can be soft, caressing, and bright like daylight, or precise, powerful, and effective. It can be a cool pool of fuel — something you stand in and draw from — to take a stand, choose clearly, and move life forward without violence, suppression, or collapse.
Using Anger consciously and purposefully allows for:
🪙 Centered, grounded, and energetically protected presence
🪙 Clear YES and clear NO
🪙 Clean, powerful boundaries
🪙 Clarity about what you want, care about, and choose
🪙 Awareness of what the person in front of you is actually up to
🪙 Navigating intimacy with precision and presence
🪙 Coherence and commitment in teams
🪙 Discernment between your emotions and other people’s emotions
🪙 Healing stuck emotions from the past
🪙 Creating what you are here to create
This work is not about “releasing” Anger, blowing it out through breath, or discharging it into objects. In Connect Archi-tex, it is about growing into Anger — learning to use it as the natural, neutral, pure, elegant source of emotional energy that has been accompanying us from birth, and reclaiming it consciously as a navigation tool for life.
Fear
Every human experiences Fear, regardless of background or life path.
Fear is part of the game of life, yet most of us were never shown how to use it. When met consciously, Fear becomes a source of information and orientation, supporting movement through uncertainty, change, and the unknown.
Growing up in modern culture, we were taught that Fear is something wrong. Fear was framed as weakness, failure, or lack of courage, and we learned that the correct response is to overcome it, fight it, or eliminate it. This left Fear either suppressed or unconsciously driving decisions from the background, instead of being used as a clear signal in the present.
In Connect Archi-tex, Fear is not here to stop life but to inform movement. It scans the unknown, signals risk and thresholds, and directs attention where it is needed. When Fear is felt consciously, perception sharpens instead of collapsing.
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What many people call “intuition” is often unexamined Fear. Saying “my intuition tells me not to do this” stays vague, while saying “I feel scared that this might happen” makes the information specific and usable. It is conscious Fear that warns you from walking down a dark street — and that same clarity supports precise navigation in life.
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Using Fear consciously allows for:
🪙 Orientation in uncertainty and the unknown
🪙 Clear sensing of timing, readiness, and limits
🪙 Discernment between real risks and imagined ones
🪙 Staying present at edges without freezing
🪙 Navigating change with responsiveness and care
🪙 Expanding capacity without self-betrayal
🪙 Grounded courage rooted in perception
🪙 Clear communication of inner signals
🪙 Moving forward while staying connected to yourself
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When Fear is conscious, it becomes a precise guide — supporting movement, choice, and clarity without denial or force.
JOy
The relentless pursuit of happiness in modern culture stems from the notion that joy is the ultimate feeling we should constantly strive for. Its somewhere in the future.
Its not something that we have now, all the time, as one of the primery feelings.
Joy has been externalized from the nature of humans, and onto possessions, and external things, these give us joy.
"Do this and one day you'll feel joy."
Joy of drinking orange juice, sleeping in your own bed.
Hearing the laughter of children, or working on your book, is not the kind of joy, modern society refer to as joy.
Beside we forgot how to be connected to our joy, and summon it, for our service, for no particular reason,
Just like with the other feelings.
Without bein in contact with the other feelings, there is no connection to joy. If you cannot feel your Anger for example, its not your adult conscious joy that your feeling.
But if you can feel joy in feeling your Anger that is a sign that your Anger is conscious.
Conscious Joy is about holding space for something.
That's how you know what you want to hold space for, it gives you joy.
Conscious joy is a great sign, its an expression of kindness and living beyond yourself.
Sadness
Sadness is the feeling in charge of connection, connecting with other people and with my different parts.
Without sadness, I cannot be vulnerable, authentic, and soft.
Without sadness, I would not accept the different identities I have: my child, my parent, my shadow world. I would not connect to the world, see the sorrow, the hardship, and the suffering of humanity, and attempt to do something about it.
What people call compassion is really just conscious sadness.
Sadness can unconsciously turn into victimhood, a "poor me" mentality, feeling there is nothing to do about the situation. It is often mixed with other emotions, creating depression and helplessness.
It's actually a superpower, allowing us to let go by mourning and grieving lost possibilities and connections. It helps to appreciate what I have.
Sadness helps me be down to earth, on an eye level of all people, and humanity. See the suffering in the world, and connect to my mission to replenish Gaia, and empower all its beings.