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4 feelings for connection
It’s true that we experience a wide variety of feelings. We’ve called them by different names and placed them in different boxes according to the cultures we grew up in.
In modern culture, one common basis for how we think about feelings is that they are not useful.
They do not serve us, and at best, we’re told to accept them as a negligible disadvantage.
This direction of thinking about feelings hasn’t produced many useful distinctions about them.
Even when someone goes to a professional therapist, some of the useful “maps” — thoughts, patterns, ways of thinking about feelings — are often summed up as
“regulate them,” “listen to them.” But some of the distinctions you’ll find here will take you somewhere else. Fair warning.
The first distinction that a map, which considers feelings not to be useless, makes is that:
There are 4 core primary feelings. Just like RGB generally refers to 3 primary colors that make up all the others and cannot be created by mixing any other colors,
so are the 4 core feelings:
Anger, Sadness, Fear, Joy.
They are perfect for us to use to connect with each other, once you start using them sharing them, you will find yourself as a "master of connection"
What are the 4 feelings ?
Slide the pictures after you guess.
Before we dive on each on of the feelings and explore its dimentions
You may consider the “big mix-up.”
Feelings can be experienced consciously as an adult, without reactivity to anything—clearly, with the energy and information they bring.
For example, you are angry that someone threw trash on the floor of your favorite café.
You can use the information of the anger: I care about this place. I care that it remains clean. I have a boundary about people throwing trash here.
You can then use that information—or not. Maybe you go ahead and set a boundary, maybe you don’t, according to your adult will.
Emotions are stuck feelings from the past. You experienced a feeling in your early childhood—perhaps later—but you couldn’t really express it.
It wasn’t allowed, you didn’t know how, and probably no one held space for you consciously to feel it. Then the feeling got stuck.
This is what we call an emotion.
For example, if someone throws trash on the floor of your favorite café and you stay angry the whole day or week—this person stuck in your mind—that was probably an emotion: a trigger to a feeling that got stuck in the past.
Maybe your father used to trash the house, and you couldn’t express the anger about it. But probably the emotion was around something much less direct.
More on that in the Emotional Healing Process.
Then some emotions got mixed. This is what we call mixed emotions.
For example, a mixed emotion of anger and sadness creates depression.
Depression is a mixed emotion. We can unmix emotions in an EHP.
This is why we have so many names for so many emotions—depression, anxiety, overwhelm, and so on.
Feelings are not experienced the same way as emotions.
Conscious feelings feel totally different from emotions—or from unconscious feelings.
More on that in our Shadow Guide Connection trainings.
Filtered feeling.
sometimes what we call a “feeling” is actually a filtered feeling.
A filtered feeling happens when one of the original 4 feelings isn’t allowed—by our Box, our culture, or our fear of what might happen if we feel it—and so it comes out disguised as something else.
For example, confusion is often filtered Anger.
When you don’t allow yourself to feel angry—maybe because it isn’t acceptable, or because Fear blocks it—it leaks out as confusion or irritation.
You might say, “I don’t understand,” when the actual energy behind it is, “This doesn’t make sense to me!”
Sometimes people filter a feeling for years, staying “annoyed” instead of angry, or “concerned” instead of scared.
This keeps them numb, missing the information that conscious feelings carry—what they care about, what matters, and what action is needed.
Filtered feelings (or emotions from the past) come in many forms—confusion, frustration, boredom, contentment, relief, anxiety, awkwardness, surprise.
They’re all versions of blocked energy trying to find a way out.
By starting to notice these filters, you can reconnect to the original feeling underneath, and use its clarity and energy consciously.
ANGER
Anger can be 𝐬𝐨𝐟𝐭, 𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠, and brightening as the light of day. Or 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐬𝐞, 𝐩𝐨𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐟𝐮𝐥, and effective as you wish.
Anger can be a 𝐜𝐨𝐨𝐥 𝐩𝐨𝐨𝐥 𝐨𝐟 𝐟𝐮𝐞𝐥 you use to rocket launch the life you choose and take a stand for.
Using Anger consciously and purposefully will get you:
∞ Centered, grounded, and energetically protected in any situation.
∞ Saying a clear YES! and NO!
∞ Set boundaries powerfully.
∞ Clear on what you want, care about, and choose as an adult.
∞ Clear on what the person in front of you is up to.
∞ Navigating intimacy in relating like a pro.
∞ Hold space for extraordinary spaces.
∞ Start, stop, move, change your mind.
∞ Commit to your commitments and your teammates.
∞ Aware when you take other people's emotions as yours.
∞ Heal stuck emotions from the past.
∞ Create what you are here to create.
∞ And much more.
Working in a team with unique exercises will serve as an initiation not only to transform your relationship with your Anger but to access all of your feelings consciously as navigation tools for your life.
𝑴𝒐𝒅𝒆𝒓𝒏 𝒄𝒖𝒍𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒆 𝑡𝑎𝑡𝑡𝑜𝑜𝑒𝑑 𝑜𝑙𝑑 𝑠𝑡𝑜𝑟𝑖𝑒𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑏𝑒𝑙𝑖𝑒𝑓𝑠 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑛𝑒𝑔𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑣𝑖𝑡𝑦 𝑜𝑓 𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑒𝑟 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑓𝑒𝑒𝑙𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑠 𝑜𝑛 𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑒𝑚𝑜𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑎𝑙 𝑏𝑜𝑑𝑦. 𝑇ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑐𝑎𝑢𝑠𝑒𝑑 𝑢𝑠 𝑡𝑜 𝑠𝑢𝑝𝑝𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑠, 𝑖𝑔𝑛𝑜𝑟𝑒, 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑛𝑢𝑚𝑏 𝑜𝑢𝑟𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑣𝑒𝑠 𝑡𝑜 𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑒𝑟 𝑠𝑜 𝑚𝑢𝑐ℎ 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑤𝑒 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑣𝑖𝑛𝑐𝑒 𝑜𝑢𝑟𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑣𝑒𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑤𝑒'𝑟𝑒 "𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑎𝑛 𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑟𝑦 𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑜𝑛." 𝑂𝑟 𝑚𝑎𝑦𝑏𝑒 𝑤𝑒 𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑒𝑥𝑝𝑙𝑜𝑑𝑒 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦 𝑜𝑛𝑐𝑒 𝑖𝑛 𝑎 𝑤ℎ𝑖𝑙𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑑 "𝑐𝑎𝑛'𝑡 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑡𝑟𝑜𝑙 𝑖𝑡."
𝑇ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑡𝑟𝑎𝑖𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑠 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑎𝑏𝑜𝑢𝑡 "𝑟𝑒𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑖𝑛𝑔" 𝐴𝑛𝑔𝑒𝑟, 𝑡𝑟𝑦𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡𝑜 𝑏𝑙𝑜𝑤 𝑖𝑡 𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑖𝑛 𝑠ℎ𝑜𝑟𝑡 𝑜𝑟 𝑙𝑜𝑛𝑔 𝑏𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑡ℎ𝑠, 𝑜𝑟 𝑝𝑢𝑛𝑐ℎ 𝑖𝑡 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑜 𝑎 𝑝𝑢𝑛𝑐ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑏𝑎𝑔.
It's about growing into it and learning to 𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐢𝐭 as the 𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐥, 𝐧𝐞𝐮𝐭𝐫𝐚𝐥, 𝐩𝐮𝐫𝐞, 𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐠𝐚𝐧𝐭 source of emotional energy that has been accompanying us from birth, and RAGE with it!
Fear
We all experience fear, no matter where you come from, where you grew up, or where your life journey has taken you. Fear is part of the game of life, yet hardly any of us know how to use it. If we only knew how to use fear as a source of information and wisdom, it would empower us with superpower-like senses for navigating even the toughest turns in life.
As we grew up in modern society, we were taught that fear is the worst feeling ever. “Fear stops you from getting to where you want to be,” “Fear means you are a coward” (not a brave warrior), and whenever you feel it, you need to:
“Get rid of the fear, overcome the fear, fight the fear, have no fear, become fearless, conquer the fear,” etc.
Just watch every action/kid/fantasy movie, and the final message of the hero is a generic quote about fear not serving you in any way:
“You have to let it all go, Neo. Fear... doubt and disbelief…” (The Matrix - Morpheus to Neo)
Gosh, I'm scared to say this, but what if fear has a different role than we were taught in society? What if fear can show us the way? Like octopus arms navigating in the dark… No, no, no, this is too scary to think of. But what if…
JOy
The relentless pursuit of happiness in modern culture stems from the notion that joy is the ultimate feeling we should constantly strive for. Its somewhere in the future.
Its not something that we have now, all the time, as one of the primery feelings.
Joy has been externalized from the nature of humans, and onto possessions, and external things, these give us joy.
"Do this and one day you'll feel joy."
Joy of drinking orange juice, sleeping in your own bed.
Hearing the laughter of children, or working on your book, is not the kind of joy, modern society refer to as joy.
Beside we forgot how to be connected to our joy, and summon it, for our service, for no particular reason,
Just like with the other feelings.
Without bein in contact with the other feelings, there is no connection to joy. If you cannot feel your Anger for example, its not your adult conscious joy that your feeling.
But if you can feel joy in feeling your Anger that is a sign that your Anger is conscious.
Conscious Joy is about holding space for something.
That's how you know what you want to hold space for, it gives you joy.
Conscious joy is a great sign, its an expression of kindness and living beyond yourself.
Sadness
Sadness is the feeling in charge of connection, connecting with other people and with my different parts.
Without sadness, I cannot be vulnerable, authentic, and soft.
Without sadness, I would not accept the different identities I have: my child, my parent, my shadow world. I would not connect to the world, see the sorrow, the hardship, and the suffering of humanity, and attempt to do something about it.
What people call compassion is really just conscious sadness.
Sadness can unconsciously turn into victimhood, a "poor me" mentality, feeling there is nothing to do about the situation. It is often mixed with other emotions, creating depression and helplessness.
It's actually a superpower, allowing us to let go by mourning and grieving lost possibilities and connections. It helps to appreciate what I have.
Sadness helps me be down to earth, on an eye level of all people, and humanity. See the suffering in the world, and connect to my mission to replenish Gaia, and empower all its beings.